The little bit I did find, all suggested it was the thoughtlessness of the husband during the beginning of the issue that now has left emotional stressors, and the only way to get a sexual woman back is for the husband to go back to treating his wife like she is a queen and he is nothing but her slave, for as long as it takes. Well, as appealing as this may sound to us women, I am sure this sounds absolutely terrifying for the men stuck in such a relationship! Plus who knows how long it will take for a woman to get back the happy vagina & mental state she used to have- possibly years!!
I am quite certain that there are plenty of relationships out there that had to deal with a physical condition having caused physical sexual pain for her, where the husband was nothing but loving, understanding & supportive, and yet still there is a lingering lack of sexual ability for her. Many times a condition known as vaginismus develops during or after the initial condition is treated. Vaginismus is when the vagina involuntarily contracts- painfully- when penetration is attempted. Look it up, ladies. Most articles talking about it also cover the steps to recovery.
OK; before I go any further, I want everyone to know that I am not a doctor, and if you experience ANY pain during intercourse, you should see your doctor immediately! What I wanted to talk to you about today is merely how to keep your sexual relationship going while you’re treating your issue(s).
Even though the woman may be going through a horrible time, there are husbands out there who just can’t help how attracted they are to their wife, and will still want to have sex with her (it also might be his testosterone won’t let him not have sex). There are also men out there who just won’t believe that the woman is actually experiencing pain, not just trying to get out of sex (if your woman is going to such extreme lengths to avoid having sex, I think you have an entirely different set of problems on your hands, buddy), because they can’t physically see any damage. If you have one of these guys, I truly feel for you. Before you all go & label me a “man-hater”, let me also say that I know there are plenty of good, thoughtful husbands out there, who are honestly doing their best to be there for the wife, and working hard to not get frustrated, and to those men, my hat goes off to you. Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being the man your wife needs.
Dilators for treating vaginismusNo matter how the husband tries to deal with abstinence in his marriage, there is bound to be pent-up (or not so pent-up) frustration from lack of sexual release. Men are just built with an incorrigible sex drive. Pretty much all women know this. What almost no woman knows, at least according to my talks with plenty of women in my lifetime, is that most men need that closeness, intimacy, trust, passion, desire, and openness that only making love with their partner brings, in order to feel truly loved by her. For most men, it’s not just a hormone thing. Believe it or not, making love with him is the most direct way to let him know you still love him. That is why a lack of sex in even an otherwise healthy relationship may cause a large rift, because he can’t help but feel like you don’t love him as much, or in that intimate way, anymore. Kind of depressing, since making love isn’t the main ‘love language’ for many women (in other words: your wife loves you very much even if she’s not having sex with you right now. Maybe she cooks for you, cleans your clothes, keeps you healthy, cleans the house, or tells you with words how awesome she thinks you are), but on the other side of that same coin, incredibly enlightening as to why guys want sex so much. To think, all that time we thought they were just plain old horn dogs, they were really looking for your reaffirmation that you love them. Aaww
Anyway, anyway; back to the point of this article.
So you (the wife) can’t have sex for whatever reason. You still love your husband, but can’t figure out how to show it to him. I have a temporary solution, at least for the physical act of love-making, to give both of you that physical closeness, and the release that follows. You need to know, I am a Passion Parties independent consultant, and Passion Parties carries a huge array of products, from perfume to yes, toys. For this suggestion, I will be talking about 2 specific toys. The first one isn’t mandatory for this ‘sexercise’, but a definite asset for the woman’s pleasure.
It’s called the Gizm-O. It has 2 parts to it. The first is a small, flat vibrator with a slight bump on it, for clitoral stimulation, and it is slipped into your panties, the kind that has 2 layers at the crotch. Usually there is an opening at one end of these 2 layers, and it’s between the layers where this part would go. There is no penetration of any kind into the vagina. The Gizm-O is designed purely for clitoral/surface stimulation. The other part is a wireless remote which controls the various types of vibrations the Gizm-O is capable of. You, the woman, can keep control of the remote yourself, or give it to your partner so he can be the one to give you pleasure, plus you’ll be giving him some this way, too, since we all know how men love their remotes, hee hee. Sorry, couldn’t resist. Just with this toy alone, you can re-create your own version of a very popular movie-moment (ever seen “The Ugly Truth”? It’s a Rom-Com).
The other toy is the Mimi. In the most basic description of this toy, it’s a male masturbation sleeve, but it can be much more than that! Yes it is a ‘sleeve’, made with a soft, phthalate-free themoplastic rubber, with an opening on both ends, and a tight, textured interior. Are you starting to see where I’m going with this? We’ll be using the Mimi as a (temporary) replacement vagina!
One of the reasons I love our Mimi is exactly for this situation.
The physical problems may take a long time to sort out, but in the
meantime both partners will need the closeness and intimacy of sex. I
suggest she place the Gizm-O in her panties, keep them on, and place the
mimi in between her legs right below the crotch, with lube in the Mimi.
She keeps her thighs tight against the Mimi to hold it in place, and
her husband can use the Mimi as a temp replacement vagina, but this way
both partners still get the physical love that is so needed in difficult
personal times such as this. The Gizm-O is for her pleasure, but this
can be done without it (but why?). The Mimi can be used in an adapted
version of missionary (her legs between his rather than around him),
doggy style and spooning positions, with maybe some other ways too, if
you feel like being creative.Also, if the woman can use small, insertable toys (which are smooth, and don’t move in & out) I would suggest having her husband use them on her (with lube), so that he still feels like he has a part in bringing her pleasure. This is very important, because men can also be psychologically hurt/traumatized if they feel they are the cause of her pain.that’s also what I was trying to say with giving him the Gizm-O remote. If, however, there is pain from any penetration, period, then definitely feel free to leave the small toys out of the equation, for now.
So, that was my big suggestion; if any of you have any others, I would love to hear them. And again, go see your gyno with ANY painful, or just unusual issues ‘down there’
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