10 Things She’s Secretly Thinking About Your Penis.

What will be running through her mind the first time you drop trou? We asked real women to share their most memorable first impression of a guy’s goods. Prepare to laugh out loud.

Ah, the big reveal—that instant when you finally present her with your (ahem) package. But no matter how heated the moment, you can’t help but wonder: Is she carefully checking out the goods, and if so, do they pass inspection? That’s why we asked women to share their funniest, boldest, happiest, craziest, or most memorable reaction to a man’s penis. Sure, there was the occasional lady who says size matters, but mostly, you’ll find that you can probably relax. Because most women are just completely fascinated by what you’re packing down there…and excited about the impending delivery. 

1. Deep Purple

“I've never seen that shade of purple on a human being before...but the color was just another sign of extreme arousal, so yes, it made a difference. In the best possible way.” —Deanna, 25 

2. Magical Mushroom

“There was this guy I went out with for a few months, and the moment I saw his penis, I noticed the head was so big it looked like a mushroom! I actually imagined a Smurf’s house. But surprisingly, it was the most pleasuring penis I've ever experienced. He worked that mushroom like magic!” —Stefani, 29 

3. Shear Terror

"Manscaping should be required! The penis looks much smaller when surrounded by so much shrubbery.”  —Erin, 33 

4. So Fresh and So Clean

“Smooth, silky, healthy, perfect length and girth—plus he smelled so clean!” —Jessica, 25

5. Best. Package. Ever.

“One boyfriend seemed almost embarrassed that his penis was just average size, and wouldn't ever let me compliment how much I liked it. But I wasn't lying—it felt amazing! Guys: When a woman let's you know how much she loves your package, take the compliment…she probably means it!” —Lisa, 31 

6. Cousin Itt

“Hairy monster! Seriously, hair is fine, but when your penis gets lost in a thick jungle, it's time to trim.” —Alyssa, 27 

7. Surprise Attack

“He's a grower not a shower, so I was amazed at how big it got—and very happy about it as well!” — Maddie, 32 

8. Curves Ahead

“Wow, that's a harsh left hook. Yes. That may make things very interesting.” —Nicole, 35 

9. Lumber-Jacked

"He unzipped, and out came his magnificent, large, beautiful penis. But all I could think was, ‘My God, his penis is the size of a tree log,’ and, ‘Is this gonna hurt?!’“ —Taryn, 29 

10. False Advertising

“There was a friend with benefits who kept saying how great he was in bed. He spoke about his penis like he was some sort of god, but when he dropped his pants the first time, I found out it was so small. That was the beginning and the end of that. Word to the wise” If you have a small penis, that’s fine, but don’t talk about it like you could part the Red Sea!” —Stephanie, 32 

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